Live What You Say
The Courage to Be Accountable and the Responsibility to Make an Impact
As I write this, it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve sat down to create content. I had promised myself that I would ship something, anything, at least once a week, and here I am, reflecting on the promises I’ve broken to myself. Admittedly, it's far from the first time this has happened.
And look, I get it, in the grand scheme of it all, it’s just a couple of weeks, right? I have had a lot going on with work, travel, and connecting with both new people and loved ones these past 20 days. It’s been wonderful.
What I am sitting with, as I come back to my writing, is being able to hold both truths. I have true and valid reasons that I haven’t been creating content, as well as the truth that I said I would create content and haven’t.
This, I imagine, shows up in infinite ways for people as we set intentions, make promises, and establish goals for ourselves that ultimately take a back seat to other things that pop up in the moment.
I wanted to work out 3–4 times this week and ended up choosing to spend that time catching up on work or spending time with my kids instead.
I wanted to take my partner on a special date this week, and ended up allowing them to rest each night after work and during the weekend because of how demanding their job is right now.
I wanted to grow my company 2X this year, and as a result of a number of external circumstances, it was more important that we managed to stay in business and keep our current customers happy.
The list goes on.
All to say, accountability is an essential awareness on our path to fulfillment. We might never be perfect or get it all “right,” and yet recognizing the areas of our lives where we want to hold ourselves accountable and maintaining the intention to do so as best as possible is core to a courageous, conscious, and authentic approach to being.
This is the call of accountability.
And answering it is not a punishment or a burden; it can be one of the most courageous, freeing, and integrity-shaping acts we can take. It is the practice of becoming the kind of person we say we want to be. Of living the kind of life we say matters. Of honoring not just what we feel in private, but how we show up in public, especially to the people we affect, whether or not we realize it.
This article is an invitation: to take radical responsibility for our choices, to honor our commitments to ourselves, and to recognize the immense impact we have on the people and world around us. Not someday. Now.
What Does It Mean to Hold Yourself Accountable?
As I see it, holding ourselves accountable means we are willing to be the authors of our own lives. In this framework, we are not outsourcing our power to our past, our circumstances, our excuses, or our moods. It means our integrity matters more to us than our image. It means we learn to trust ourselves enough to follow through, and when we don’t or can’t or are unable, we do the work to reflect and look honestly at why, without shame or story. We continue to evolve and grow through this work.
Accountability isn’t perfection. Its presence. It’s the daily, gritty practice of noticing when actions drift from our values and choosing to course-correct, recommit, or re-evaluate with humility.
Martha Beck writes, “Integrity is the cure for unhappiness. Period.” Accountability is the discipline of integrity in motion. It’s not always glamorous, but it is always sacred. It means we stop confusing feeling inspired with being committed.
We show up.
Even when we don’t feel like it. Especially when no one is watching.
Being Held Accountable by Others
We are not meant to do this work alone.
Being held accountable by others means inviting trusted mirrors into your life who see you clearly, especially when you forget who you are. This is no small task, nor is it easy.
These are the people who love you enough to tell you the truth, not just what feels good. This is trust. This is surrender. They remember your commitments when you start rationalizing. They challenge your patterns, not to shame you, but to awaken your wholeness.
Brené Brown calls this kind of connection “the arena.” When you are in the arena of life, vulnerable, exposed, raw, and in this arena is where accountable community reminds us that we are brave, we are loved, and we are capable of rising.
It is also the place where those who do not see us, who are not ready to be in the arena with us, otherwise known as the spectators, will also make this a challenging place for us to be.
It’s an important paradox to recognize. While we need people who won’t let us off the hook too easily, partners, coaches, and friends who don’t just comfort our pain, but who champion our growth, we must also allow the rest of the noise to just pass by.
It is in this arena of accountability where we expand. And it is often not the easiest place to be.
The People Around You Are Mirrors
So now that we’ve made a commitment to the arena and can surrender to the immensity of its possibility, it’s important to remind ourselves that who we surround ourselves with is either reinforcing our avoidance or calling forth our courage.
Time to reflect…
Do your relationships reflect your values, or do they quietly erode them? Are you around people who normalize checking out, blaming, and settling? Or people who reflect what you’ve said matters to you and challenge you to live into it?
Every relationship is a mirror. Every close conversation reveals what we’re willing to face or what we’re still avoiding. Real accountability is not just about systems or goals; it’s about soul-level reflection.
We all need at least one person who reminds us of who we said we want to be and asks, gently but firmly, “Are you living like that’s true?”
To build a fulfilling life, we must choose our mirrors wisely.
That means surrounding ourselves with people who are also doing their work. People who know how to speak the truth in love. People who won’t abandon themselves and therefore won’t let us abandon our own becoming.
Radical Responsibility: The Foundation of Fulfillment
I believe that living a life of fulfillment demands radical responsibility. Not in the performative sense of doing what’s expected but in the deeply embodied sense of responding to your life with awareness, choice, and courage.
This is the practice of becoming response-able: the ability to respond to self, others, and purpose from a place of integrity and consciousness, not reaction.
Radical responsibility doesn’t blame others, and it doesn’t bypass pain. It says: I am responsible for what I choose. For how I show up. For how I love. For what I build or destroy with my presence.
We also begin to honor the fact that our choices are not isolated. Every action we take has a ripple effect. Whether in our homes, our workplaces, or our communities, we are always shaping something with our presence. Radical responsibility is the acknowledgment that what we do doesn’t just affect us, it influences the people we love, the systems we live in, and the culture we contribute to.
It is the difference between:
Complaining about your job and owning your power to change it.
Resenting your partner, and having the courage to name what’s true.
Avoiding hard conversations and realizing your silence is a message.
Waiting for life to hand you clarity, and choosing to create it.
When we take responsibility for our choices, we reclaim our freedom. We stop being victims of the world and start becoming participants in it.
This means making agreements, with ourselves and with others, rather than relying on unspoken or unconscious expectations.
Here is an invitation to stop expecting your partner to do something or be some way. Instead, give courage a shot and ask them for what you want, and have an open, honest, and compassionate conversation about what agreements look like toward getting what you want. They may not like it. They may disagree or reject, or judge. And it is in your truth of wanting to have open, honest agreement that they get the sovereignty to respond as they need to.
Truth is dope.
Integrity Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait
Integrity is a skill we hone over time. We practice it. Daily. In the small, invisible decisions. In the moments no one will ever applaud.
Integrity is about what you do when no one is watching but yourself.
Integrity is not about never failing. Fuck perfection. It’s about recognizing when we do fail, and choosing to respond from truth instead of hiding, defending, or pretending.
And the more we live in integrity, the more trust we build with ourselves and with others. That trust becomes the soil for real freedom, deep connection, and a life that actually feels like ours.
Integrity requires us to tell the truth even when it’s inconvenient. It asks us to own our mess without making it someone else’s fault. It invites us to live like our choices matter, because, well…they do.
And in this process, we remain devoted to the practice. Accountable to the practice. Since anything else will just feel shitty.
Your Impact Matters More Than You Know
Every choice we make sends ripples out into our families, our friendships, our work, and our communities.
We don’t have to be public figures to have a public impact. How we love our kids shapes how they love themselves. How we lead our teams influences their confidence. How we treat strangers shifts the culture of our community.
So the question becomes: Are you aware of the impact you’re making? Are you leaving behind a wake of alignment or avoidance? Are your words and actions breeding trust and clarity or discord and confusion?
Living with awareness of your impact cannot be about walking on eggshells. It must be about walking with intention.
As David Whyte says, “The antidote to exhaustion is not rest, it is wholeheartedness.” Impact becomes whole when our hearts, our choices, and our values are in the same place.
We often underestimate how powerful our presence is. A consistent father, an honest friend, a generous leader, a kind stranger, these are not small things. These are the tectonic plates that move culture.
The Cost of Avoiding Accountability
Avoiding accountability might feel easier in the moment, but it costs everything that matters in the long run.
It can cost us our confidence, because we no longer trust ourselves.
It can cost our relationships, because people can feel the dissonance.
It can cost our peace, because we know, deep down, we’re betraying our truth.
It can cost our legacy, because we’re no longer living in the shape of who we came here to be.
Avoidance might feel like freedom, but it’s actually captivity. True freedom is the ability to live in alignment with truth. And, as I continue to write about and believe, that takes courage.
Integrity Is Contagious
Here’s a hot take: Just as avoidance is contagious, so is integrity. When one person starts living with radical responsibility, it gives permission to others to do the same.
When we:
Apologize without defensiveness
Follow through on our word
Own our shadow with humility
Choose courage over comfort
…we become a model of possibility. And others feel it.
This process is not just for our own self-transformation. We’re shifting the standard of what’s acceptable in family, workplace, or community. We’re showing what it means to live boldly, love real, and die fulfilled.
Holding the Mirror Without Shame: The Grace of Self-Compassion When You Fall Short
Quick reminder and important zoom-out: There will be moments when we don’t nail it. Moments of missing the mark. When the promise we made to ourselves slips. When our actions fall short of our integrity and all the old narratives rush in to say, “See? You’re not good enough.”
Love that voice…
And this is where self-compassion becomes essential.
It’s easy to romanticize accountability as a straight line of discipline and success. But in reality, growth looks more like a spiral. We return to the same lessons again and again, each time with a bit more awareness, a bit more strength, and, if you’re brave enough, a bit more kindness and compassion.
In these moments of misses, here is an invitation to resist the urge to collapse into judgment.
Instead, get curious. Ask:
What was I feeling when I let this go?
What belief took over in that moment?
What need was I trying to meet?
What would help me recommit with compassion rather than punishment?
Self-compassion isn’t an excuse. It’s what allows accountability to be sustainable. Without it, discipline turns into self-abuse. With it, discipline becomes devotion.
Think of self-compassion as the pause between mistake and meaning. It allows us to take a breath before we assign ourselves a story. It makes room for honesty without self-harm. And it opens the door to recommitment.
Because we are not here to be flawless. Sorry. Not possible.
We are here to have faith in ourselves and our path of growth.
We are faithful to the truth. Faithful to becoming. Faithful to values, even in moments where they feel far away.
Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is meet our broken promise with tenderness, and say:
I see where I drifted. I see what I forgot. And I choose to return.
Accountability without compassion is brittle. It breaks under pressure. But accountability rooted in love is resilient. It bends. It learns. It returns stronger.
So when there’s a miss or a lapse or a compromise, don’t just ask, “How did I fail?” Ask: “How can I return with even more love?”
Because every return is a resurrection. And we are always allowed to begin again. With more honesty and with more awareness.
Accountability isn’t about shame. It’s about truth.
Shame says: “I failed, so I’m broken.” Accountability says: “I drifted, so I’ll realign.”
One leads to collapse. The other leads to correction.
When we drop the shame and pick up the mirror, we become powerful. Because now, we can see. And if we can see, we can choose.
Accountability cannot be practiced without self-compassion. It is not shame that leads to transformation; it is the willingness to keep showing up. Again and again. In grace. In truth. In full responsibility.
How to Practice Accountability Daily
Start With Self-Honesty
Name the truth. What are you pretending not to know? What have you committed to but not followed through on? What values are you claiming but not practicing?Review Your Choices Weekly
Take 10 minutes each week to review: Where did I show up in alignment? Where did I avoid? What conversations need to happen? What am I proud of?Choose a Mirror
Pick one person who knows your values and is willing to speak truth to you. Ask them to reflect back on what they’re noticing and listen to them.Name Your Why
Reconnect to the deeper reason behind your commitments. If your “why” isn’t strong enough, your accountability will falter.Own It Fast
When you fall short, name it quickly. This isn’t judgment, simply awareness building.Live Your Values Loudly
Let people see what matters to you through how you show up, not just what you say.Check Your Impact
At the end of each day, ask: Who did I affect today and how? Did I bring peace or chaos, honesty or avoidance, courage or complacency?
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In a world full of noise, distractions, and disconnection, I believe that integrity has the power to be our anchor.
Living with the intention to be in alignment with our values gives us a chance to change our lives continuously, while also changing the lives of those around us. Our kids feel safer. Our partners feel seen. Our teams feel inspired. And our communities get stronger. Consciousness spreads.
That’s the kind of wealth that can’t be bought. That’s the kind of impact that lasts.
Final Words: The Call to Live Boldly
I believe that accountability is not just a leadership principle; it’s a spiritual practice.
To live accountable is to live awake. To realize that every day, we are writing a legacy. And every moment is a chance to realign.
If you’re tired of the gap between what you say and how you live, you’re not alone. But you are responsible.
This work is not easy. But it is sacred.
Because when we honor our word, we reclaim our worth.
So here’s the invitation:
Start NOW by holding yourself accountable. With grace, love, and compassion, in as many moments as possible.
The world is waiting for the real you to show up.
